Preschool

Rachel started preschool yesterday. It's only two days a week for 2 1/2 hours a day. She really liked it. Had lots of fun. Driving away, I was a little sad. No longer are Sharon and I the only major influences on Rachel's life. She'll be exposed to other kids and the teachers. Now, I realize this is a necessity. I do. It's just that... I don't know. I don't get to share in those preschool moments. These are experiences she's having on her own. Which is good, but I still feel a little sadness inside. I am really proud of her. She had no problem jumping right in and playing with the other kids. She told me how each of the kids shared their Teddy Bears with everyone else. She told me that she said, "This is my teddy bear. I always sleep with him at night and play with him during the day." No fear of speaking in front of crowds for my little girl. Not that I am surprised by this.

You want everything to go well for your kids and so you'll do anything you can to make sure that happens. And for me... well, I like to have control of things, but in this case, I need to let go. And this is just a baby step. There are much bigger steps coming down the road, and I have to be able to let go, not control, accept that as not only necessary, but a good thing. I have a lot of faith in my little girl. She's smart; she's tough.

Sometimes Sharon and I just stop for a moment, look at Rachel or Sami, and share this bemused, joyful smile. We're thinking "Can you believe we created her?" And sometimes I just can't. You think about all the things we've accomplished in our lives and it's true that there's nothing bigger or more important than being a good parent. If that's all they put on my gravestone, I'll feel fulfilled.