What a day...

I was going to post today about how much fun Rachel and I had. We played with her horses (thanks, Uncle John and Aunt Peg!), we watched some favorite TV shows that she never gets to see anymore, we saw a movie (Curious George - a lot of fun!), we got haircuts, and we just had a lot of fun being together. So much fun that she fell asleep this afternoon, something she hardly ever does anymore.

So I was going into detail about all of that, but I don't feel like it because today I got a call from mom telling me that my grandma had passed away a few hours earlier. My grandma was 96. She was not in the best of health and this wasn't a surprise at all, really. But it still hurts. Being far away from my family, I don't get to see them very often and when I do it's usually for some family party and with a family like mine, big and boisterous, it's hard to have real conversations, ones that move beyond an update on what's new in your life, you know? So I don't feel like I connected very well with Grandma these last few years. And it's really my own fault. I could have made a special trip to Chicago to see just her, but I didn't. I knew I was going to feel this way when she passed on. I knew it, but I didn't do anything to fix it. My grandma was a special lady. She was smart, and she never lost her smarts as she got older. Sharp as a tack as you often hear people say. She had a lot of pride and a lot of gumption. Even old and frail, she seemed strong to me. I wonder if she realized that I and probably a lot of other people, too, saw her that way. Her body had become weak, but there was still strength within her and I saw that every time I saw her. I loved her. And I really miss her. And I regret not being there more. I suppose if I take anything from this, it would be to make the time to see the people you care about even if it's not easy to do so.