1971

Today I am closer to 40 than 30. That's a very strange feeling. When I was younger I could imagine being 30. I have never been able to imagine being 40.

I'm not doing too bad physically for a 35 year old guy. I have a lot more grey hair than I used to. And I'm finally starting to get a little thick around the middle. But really I don't feel any different than I did was in 25. I still stay up ridiculously late and can still handle the lack of sleep pretty well.

One of the stranger things for me is that I always figured I wouldn't live to be that old. Don't know why, just always had the feeling 70 was about as old as I was going to get. I am now halfway there. I definitely am re-evaluating that idea. I have a lot to do and 35 years isn't really enough time.

I am getting to be more of a pacifist in my old age. One view that has completely changed in the last ten years or so is my view on the death penalty. When I was young, I was entirely in favor of it. Then I decided that I'm not against the idea, just our government's execution of the idea. Now I am fully against it. I just have found this intense respect for life, all life, as I've gotten older. Having kids probably helped that along. But it's not so much that I have respect for an individual killer's life, but the very concept of life itself. It's an amazing thing to create life, create a conscious being with thoughts and feelings, and we should never de-value that by destroying any life, even those who have shown no respect for life.

I see all this war that fills the world and it exhausts me to think about it. I understand why people go to war, why they feel it's necessary to do so, and I can absolutely see that point of view. At the same time, I wonder why we can't figure out a better way to work things out. Of course, we're dealing with terrorists who are willing to sacrifice their own lives to kill us, so it's hard to imagine any way to "work things out".

When I was a kid in the 70s and 80s, there was the Cold War. We were hoping the Russians loved their children, too, so World War III wouldn't happen. Then in the 90s we lived through a time when we didn't feel threatened. We emerged from a long dark tunnel and the sun was shining. And then September 11 put out our sun and it hasn't shined since.

I asked Sharon tonight what good is going on in the world. All I see is fighting and anger and sadness. She came up with a list of three or four different groups that are bringing a little bit of sun. Doctors without Borders was one. But all of the examples seemed small to me compared to Civil War in Iraq, the Lebanon - Israel War, and the constant threat of terrorism not to mention the government's slow and constant destruction of our American ideals. This is why I haven't blogged about politics or current events much lately. It's all too depressing.

So I say to hell with the messed up world. I'm going to focus on my little piece of it here in Iowa, with my wonderful wife who loves me and my two shining girls who brighten my darkest day.

Yeah.

Hrm.

I think turning 35 is making me moody, too.