Ask Matt: Question One

The first Ask Matt question is this:

Stripes vs.. polka dots: which is the better sartorial choice?

First of all, nice word there: "sartorial". The English major in me appreciates the use of obscure words. Second of all, you're asking me for fashion tips? What are you, nuts? I still have shirts from 1988. Seriously. Sharon'll will reluctantly and with much shame tell you this is true.

But I said I'd answer whatever questions I get, so here goes... First, ask yourself this question, Loyal Reader: how old do you want to appear? Because if you're older than 12, polka dots are right out. Really. No, they don't make you look young. They make you look desperately uncomfortable about your true age. So forget polka dots. Unless you're entering a ward of chicken pox victims, polka dots are right out.

So, it's stripes right? Ugh. I hate stripes. I admit I have a couple of striped shirts. (And ironically enough I was wearing one when this question popped into my email box.) But I can't stand 'em. Thin stripes, fat stripes, red stripes, blue stripes, it doesn't matter. I like solids. Solids, I tell you! Gimme a nice sold black shirt. Or blue. Or even a good hunter green. But throw some stripes in and the whole thing goes to hell.

So which is better? Stripes, but only if you truly have to choose between a polka dot outfit and a striped one. If there's a solid option, choose it!

Okay, as you can see, I'll answer any question. Send 'em to me at askoasismatt@gmail.com.